Priorities always seem to change on the mission field. There are lots more situations and circumstances that fall into the 'not the biggest deal in the world' category when you are hanging out in the countryside of poorest country in the Western Hemisphere. And there is always a desire to bring those 'mission field values' back home and integrate them into everyday life. There seems to be something compelling about living a simpler life of servant-hood. I definitely felt this...and I am currently discerning which values function best in the context of Haiti and which values should be more than a memory for my daily life.
One value that I need to hang onto is this: NO MORE SPECTATOR CHRISTIANITY. That phrase rang true in my heart during our trip. Part of the reason is that I was encouraging the young adults to be the church, not just come to church. But greater than that, I thought about the various issues that come up in the church community...the issues that I have with the American church (including my denomination and my church), the issues that others have with church leaders (including myself, those I lead and those that lead me). Again, all of those conversations feel different when you are using out-houses and sleeping on other people's thin mattresses.
Tuesday morning of the trip was my self-imposed Sabbath. I wasn't going to do anything but rest and reflect until lunch. Just before I begin to rest, I got into a conversation with one of my team-mates about some tense situations back home. These were stories that I carry around with me daily, still learning how to move on, trust God to be the Savior of the world, and praying that healing and understanding will come sooner than later. My team-mate did not know it, but the conversation tore me up (as it always does). Couple that with the weight of being in devastating poverty and trying to inspire eager young adults who do not even own personal bibles to be the Church...my Sabbath was not pretty at all. And for about 2 and 1/2 hours, I just mourned, physically ached and mentally begin to shut down. It was good that God ordained very few people to be around me during this time.
And then about 11am, (I think) the Holy Spirit begin to remind me of what I was doing in Haiti. The Holy Spirit brought the faces to my mind...Amos, Obenson, Rudolph, Alexandria, Evelyne - the next leaders of Tiburon Church. He reminded me of the 30 or so young adults who came to the first meeting that seemed to break through something spiritually oppressive and replaced it with a hope for young adult ministry that did not seem to exist in Tiburon before that point. He reminded me that I was there to be a spark for their ministry and movement. And basically (in great Vanetta - my mom - fashion) explained the difficulty of being a spark underneath the weight of the past. I had to get up and leave the irreparable past in the hands of Jesus and move into the irresistible future with Him (via Oswald Chambers).
One of the things that keeps us in the pews are the unresolved and unsettled conversations. In a perfect world, we would have the words, the courage, the forgiveness and the conversations that are usually needed for closure. In a perfect world, closure would be given to all parties involved, not just to those who had the last word or who stood their ground. But this is not a perfect world yet. And while I am all about conflict resolution (believe it or not), Haiti taught me one thing...it is the enemy that wants us to stay in the pews and he will use whatever he can to leave you there. It takes faith to move past the irreparable into the future. It takes courage from heaven to move past the 'left unanswered'. And the reason why the enemy wants us to stay in the pew...because then we'll never be the spark that could be freedom and hope to someone else.
What is keeping you in the 'pew'? What person or what moment is giving you permission to not be actively involved in the kingdom? Who knows...what if the moment you moved past the hurt (which is common for all of us) was the moment that someone else experienced freedom?
The enemy would love to keep you in the pew. And I personally don't really want to give him the satisfaction of one more spectator moment.
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