DS3 Blogging: I am NOT the job.

Last Sunday, I had the great opportunity to lead worship at CrossRoad. Had a great time and loved every minute of it from rehearsal to the end of the second service. Truth be told...I LOVE LEADING PEOPLE IN WORSHIP. It will always be my first love of vocational ministry. While I miss being in the choir and leading every Sunday morning, it is also great to know that God is always opening new doors and opportunities for us as we respond to Him. Such a great day made me think back to some of the moments that God used worship and music to shape me as a man, leader, and minister.

I remember one Sunday in particular that didn't feel so good at the time. It was back in my extremely immature days of ministry (and some would say we are still there). I really loved leading songs for the services at church. I felt like it was one of the best ways I could contribute to what was happening. It was more than something fun to do, it was a calling. During one rehearsal, there was a song that everyone thought would be assigned to me. It was a good one and I was excited about the chance to lead it. It was actually given to another member of the choir (and they did a much better job with it than I ever could). I was not excited about this development.

Whenever new songs were given to other people, I always felt like I was missing out on something. It was like there were only so many songs out there and I deserved most of them (again immaturity). I remember saying to God after a choir rehearsal, 'God, doesn't she understand...music ministry is all I've got. If I can't lead that song then what am I here for?' It was one of those difficult moments that God allowed to happen more than once. I didn't know it then, but God was teaching me a big lesson in leadership and ministry.

I have found that one of the most damaging lines anyone could repeat to themselves or others about what they do is from the movie Miss Congeniality: "I am the job". So what happens when you lose that job? What happens when you find yourself not as great at that job as you once thought? What happens when what is needed for that job to be done changes? If we become too connected to what we do, then all it takes to get you out of the game is one lost battle. For me, all it took for me to question the call to lead worship was to miss out on one song. I'm sure no one reading this can relate.

Tuesday night at the A218 Main Gathering, one of my points was on identity. Before we can pick up our swords and join Jesus in the battle, we need to have an awareness of who we are outside of that sword and that battle. Soldiers who do not know who they are end up wearing armor that does not fit and using weapons they know nothing about. The illustration is figurative (and you know I don't know a whole lot about war), but the point is completely true. Often, we get frustrated because we miss out on a 'battle' or we aren't allowed to use a certain 'weapon'. We begin to identify ourselves with roles and tasks. So when we find the roles and tasks out of reach, it is not just an opportunity missed, but a knock on our ego and who we are as a person.

The greater truth that I had to learn was that I am loved by God not because of what I do, but because of who I am. And I am who I am not because of me but because of Christ. I received a calling to a worship, ministry, and leadership not because of me and my abilities but because of Christ and His power at work within me.

We all got here by grace...not because of what we've done or how talented we are. The more connected our identity is to what we do, the less our identity is connected to the grace found in Christ. The more our identity is based on roles and positions, the more likely we are to feel entitled and deserving of gifts that only come by grace. It's grace that got us here and grace that will take us to the places, positions, and roles that we'll be given in the future.

So for me, it was good to not lead a few songs. Because I learned that I am a worship leader with or without a microphone. These days, most of my singing is done on the floor and not on the stage. And while I always look forward to the next opportunity to sing on the stage, worshiping on the floor is just as sweet. I have a much better idea of who I am, and I am becoming aware of the deep grace that has carried me to this point. Praise be the Good God!